Renewed Start with God

To begin with, I wan to say how time really flies..
It has been around 1 year & 1mth since i came to know of God..
What have i done within tis 1 year & 1 mth journey?
It's worth thinking back & reflecting upon myself.. (I think I need it definitely)..
At least to repent (since we cant travel back time) & to walk in the ways that God want us to be, to be whom he want us to be..

During this past 1 year, my obedience & faithfulness to God (as well as to my sisters & brothers in church) is not worth mentioning.. Perhaps I broke the faith & trust of many of my sisters & brothers.. (it's not obvious, but deep in my heart, i know..)

What my sisters, brothers and pastors always reiterate: To seek not for worldy desires, but to seek for God's kingdom and your riches will be in heaven. This sounds so apt and correct, but to say to want to do it is another thing. The battle between the heart and the mind. In my mind, I know that I have to follow God's way which is what is right and which is God want us to do. Whereas in my heart.. it says another story. I need to bring my heart back to God, someway or other.

Since my walk with God began on 18/04/2008, I've been through 3 CGS. Every CG is unique and the sisters & brothers are always so caring and perfect (in my eyes). I always think to myself: How could I possibly be like them, to have hearts like theirs, to think and behave just like them? How is it that they are able to be so obedient to God and to always put God in first priority? Perhaps they do sacrifice alot of other things to be able to be steadfast in their walk with God, as they already knew 100% that God is whom they want to be with, that God is eventually everything and anything that they are today.. Without God, they won't be what they are today. It's easy to say, but to do it and follow through.. it proves obstacles personally to me. My heart is not firm and I have to admit I'm very easily swayed by temptations of wordly desires.

Today (or i mean yesterday), something pulled me back to my senses (not totally, but at least I felt that I really need a change, a change of my hardened heart). The 'something' is my current CG (3rd CG) which will be my CG for the next 2-3 weeks (and which I'll be in another CG cos of restructuring). I really apologise to Jan (my CL) much for not being able to turn up for most (or almost all) CG meetups. Previously it was my heart that i do not want to turn up (that's very inobedient..) and subsequently, it's either work or other distractions that made me decide not to turn up for CGS. Sorry Jan! Next, the another person that I really really really want to thank is my 2 other sisters in my CG (Xinying and Wei ling). Xin ying is a sister with very big heart, high level of patience, very faithful to God, very concerned about everyone, very nice person, essentially, someone in my eyes, perfect and wonderful. (She might deny it, but to me, u are) The very frequent sms, meetups and never ending encouragements might seem normal & common, but, it did impact me somehow. Guilt. Guilt-conscious. I'm guilty of that. Escaping it is always the easiest way. Easiest but not worth praising or recommending. In fact, escaping it is perhaps the worst behaviour. To escape from the truth, to not think about anything that affects my heart and mind, to just forget about it and to not bother about anything, that's what I think I've been doing for the past 8mths. (that's long...) This sister Xin ying, I really want to thank her for bringing and never failing to inch me closer to God (although I think she already knew my heart is suaying..).. THANK U SIS! for everything, totally and greatly. It's my good fortune to meet and know a sister like u.. really. Totally.. If I were to list out everything that u've done for me, this would take many pages (and long essays)... Thank u sis!

Wei Ling is another sis that I wan to thank too.. though i did not talk much to her, but she's a very nice & very faithful to God.. (I think I'm so blessed with the people around me.. I think God is using these sisters to draw me back to Him, and.. THANK u!! cos.. these sisters played a very huge role in making me want to come back to God..) Beside these sisters, I want to thank the brothers as well.. Eugene, Wei Jian, Joo Tat, Ellson, Jan and Da Shun (hmm?) too.. I really had a fun time being in the same CG as u guys.. especially in the Uni YA camp.. im very very very thankful to know brothers like u.. I really think I'm so blessed by the people around me.. that God put me with such wonderful brothers and sisters.. God is amazing ya..! God never leave his children alone.. Indeed :)

Thank u my dearest CG :) In few weeks to come, we might all be different CG. Though it's sorrow to part, but God has better plans for everyone of us. Mixed feelings for me definitely, but I know even if we are in different CG, we are all still God's children, still in His family :)

Throughout tis period of time with God, I want to really thank all the CGs that I've been in as well as when I just came to know of God.. the many people whom brought me closer to God and make me come to know of Him.. Thank u..

I pray that everyone of us will walk faithfully with Him in our everyday life and to seek for His Kingdom in all things. I too, hope to have a renewed relationship with Him starting today and to walk in His ways, and to strive to be what He want me to be.

Thank u all my sisters & brothers.
Thank u God for not leaving me alone.

God bless all :)
Amen.