Conplicated

The complexity of human relationships..
I'm now in a confused state of mind.. not really confused but just don't know how & what to do.. Just simply, I'm at a loss.. Have been trying to grapple with this issue & hopefully to find an explanation & solution to it, but it just didn't work out.. How.. how... I can't possibly keep running away & ignore the problem, pretending that it is non-existence.. but right now.. yet I'm still treating as if everything is going well & fine.. I hate to pretend.. I want to be myself.. Maybe it's just me? Maybe it's just me who felt this way? I've no idea.. What am I supposed to do...?

With a wandering mind, I still give myself to God.. For me, I always feel God during Praise & Worship time.. Only during P&W time, I'm able to pour out all my feelings and praise Him.. when I'm totally engrossed in the songs.. It's just like a channel to express my feelings.. I don't like to tell my problems to people, yet I know I should.. It's just this inner self-esteem that is prohibiting me from sharing with people.. I can be really quiet at times, yet I can be really noisy.. When I'm quiet, it usually means I'm thinking about certain issues & need some soliditary & to be alone.. If I'm noisy, it usually means I'm in my normal self.. and I'm comfortable to whoever I'm with at that time.. It's not hard to experience the 2 sides of me easily..

But today's ushering in the Prayer Meet @ FCBC Touch Centre, I just felt so much for God.. The song 'How can I keep from singing' was the 1st song that led me to come to know God & which led me to become a Christian & to join this family.. My knees felt so weak when the song was about to be sung.. It brought back all the memories when I was still fresh & new to Hope.. (about 6mths ago).. Those were the times...

Another song sung during the Prayer Meet "Hosanna" totally carried me away.. I was singing and praising, and was totally engrossed in the song.. God simply felt so real in my life... He's the only one whom I look to when I'm down, feeling alone or simply as and when I need him..

My mind now is very tired..

Need a soliditary time now..